What is needed in this very moment? A similar question marks the beginning of a chapter in David K. Weinstock's book, "Becoming What You Need - Practices for Embodying Nonviolent Communication." I encountered this concept unexpectedly during a retreat on a sunny November afternoon, in a workshop that was not originally on our agenda.
Under the guidance of Sandra Borgarts and Anke Krause, our group learned about the so-called SURF technique, a simple meditation exercise that helps people arrive in the here and now and encourages them to introspect and embody a quality they would like more of in their lives (e.g., stability, self-esteem, humor, connection, etc.).
The SURF practice can be done daily in just a few seconds, but it also allows for a more extensive application. It's about attention and empathy towards oneself and about carrying one's well-being outward. In this video, David Weinstock explains what SURF stands for and practically walks through the approach.
My personal SURF journey that November afternoon was a wonderful experience because it was not about analyzing anything, but simply being in the moment.
Inspired by this, I bought David's book a few days later. Among other things, he explains why Nonviolent Communication is so valuable: Thousands of years of cultural strategies based on dominance and control are deeply embedded in our communication patterns. Nonviolent Communication brilliantly identifies such patterns and offers life-enriching alternatives. These fundamentals need to be learned, practiced, understood, let go of, and embodied.
I find these thoughts particularly important because people may communicate non-violently on the surface, but if non-verbal signals do not match what is said, then there is no coherence. This means we are not authentically in harmony with what is said, inevitably leading to tensions.
That's exactly why it's so important for successful teamwork how people communicate with each other credibly and openly.
As a coach, I support teams in their development and have been able to work with techniques from David Weinstock and Marshall Rosenberg in a wide variety of industries to promote more open and conscious communication. This requires an awareness of the difference between needs, feelings, and emotions. Feel free to contact me if you're interested in an exchange on this topic!
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